Self-Confidence, Mastery & Our Inner Child: What must a child do to free their future self to succeed (or what we must do to succeed)?
Can you help? I am presenting to teenagers to help them deal with and release their fears & shadows - but do you remember the narrative that stalled you at that age, especially if it still does? And if still does, I can help…
Mirrors & Messenager - Freeing our inner child, to free our future self
I've been reflecting on the journey of self-discovery and facing narratives & sensations rooted in childhood, and I’ve done a lot of research into this - but I'm hoping you can help here also.
But before I ask you to reflect on your inner child (or your actual child), I invite you to reflect on your year so far. I often think we draw an invisible line in the sand on January 1st, declaring: "Enough is enough. Time for change"?
Did you do that? Why? What are you trying to change or improve? Are the fears rooted in your childhood?
I've had a month full of unexpected twists and turns, and it's been a lesson in staying open to the unknown.
It was actually a:
"I didn't see that coming." kind of month. - My 16-year-old self would not have seen it coming:
Highlights include an incredible assessment day at the Harry Potter Studios (best assessment day ever), being asked to do an author talk next month about my writing about Creativity & Flow in the anthology book Conscious Revolution, and a nomination for an alternative business award from a comedy festival – yes, it’s funny and serious, all at the same time! Running a 2024 Vision and Guidance session for some amazing souls wanting clarity on their year ahead (Recording available; reach out).
But back to narratives and why we stall as a child and it’s repeating effects on us:
Another thing that happened was that I was also asked to present on stage to a group of 15-16-year-old girls on self-awareness, confidence and self-mastery, providing tools (and not just basic information - which many speakers do), but my first thought was NO. That was until I conversed with Julia Sawalha after her performance on the Masked Singer as Bubble Tea (below) on Instagram.
Julia tried to figure out why she had a mental “black-out” before her performance (more below). This online chat and my advice and tools are rooted in the same discussion that I want to offer the 15-16-year-old girls.
Can you help here? I'd love your insights on your teenage narrative or your kids.
What thoughts and narratives shaped your youth or held you back?
Do they still influence you today?
I hope to be relevant and resonate with emotions, thoughts, and stories that feel real but raw so the girls can lean in and listen to the somatic tools (i.e. tools that positively impact our unconscious processes and nervous system). I know I can help rewire these negative stories and unlock a calm within them to meet those challenging moments. But why did I nearly turn this down?
Facing my fears.
Ironically, I almost backed out of this speaking event due to fear. But like a good Transformational coach, I sat with why ‘Fear’ (who I perceive as a useful energy) - who had some great insight for me. From here, I realised my fears were rooted in my youth. Ironically, it is my teenage narrative.
My past struggles with confidence and dyslexia started there. This created the story of “I'm not good enough"; I won't be accepted due to my colour and petite frame (the girls will all tower over me). I also worry about embarrassing my daughter (although I think that's my job). The real fear is:
“What if I disappoint the ones I love again?”. What if I fail again?
I'm sure you have a similar story or feeling.
When I sat with these thoughts and fears, I was saddened and realised the importance of sharing my tools and insights even more! Why because…
The uncomfortable truth and parallel are stark and do not go away on their own.
The disempowering issues that came up for me were the same fears that I heard from women in their 30-50s when I ran the Sky's Product Women in Leadership groups - The same I hear for my clients and the same fears I heard from, the successful international-women leaders I trained with, these last four years.
They were the same issues being discussed/seen when I presented to my daughter's school when she was 8.
To be fair, I'm sure it will be the same-ish for 15 - 16-year-olds, too.
And, it goes on…
Having just spent two weeks training and working with many 20-30-year-olds, I saw it again. People who smile mask their unconscious fears, with narratives that are disempowering and nervous systems that feel unsafe and unsupported but asked to be motivated without knowing how to master themselves and their emotional hijacks.
It pained me because I knew they were so much more than their disempowering narratives and unsupported nervous systems. The smiles that masked the pain and false motivation or mental reframes would eventually drain their energy and lead to burnout if they didn’t know how to use the right tools in the moment of stress and learn to strengthen and release their fears and ease their nervous system.
Why am I certain of this?
Not only have I studied this for a decade, but that was me! On paper, I was a successful corporate executive and a happy innovator - in reality, I was left to burn out, but I was still achieving in an unsustainable way! But it doesn’t need to be that way!
This highlighted to me the importance of addressing these challenges early because if we do not address them, do they ever really leave us?
What is the impact?
The result was highlighted by actress Julia Sawalha (in the 90’s comedy series Ab-Fab), who recently appeared on The Masked Singer as Bubble Tea, who had a shutdown and blackout before she went on stage- a total nervous system collapse - despite her being a performer!
Julia was gracious enough to chat with me on Instagram after I helped her figure out what happened. She went into Dorsal Vagal Collapse. She said that before her performance, she couldn't remember a thing: where she was, her song, nothing except her name. And all she thought about was, “I need my mum.” That's when I remembered the girls! That’s when I remembered my daughter’s own panic attacks and going blank in an exam or when she was put under pressure.
I advised Julia that she needed to understand and attend to her nervous system to stop her from falling into collapse again using the Somatic tools of safety- anchoring in safety.
And this is what I will be offering the girls at school.
I'll offer somatic tools to help these young girls navigate stress, self-worth, and confidence.
The tools help create 'regulation' in our nervous system (the holder of stress), a form of self-mastery in the moment of fear and stress.
They can help rewire faulty beliefs with more use, providing them with valuable skills and strength for a bright future.
If we do nothing, we might ping-pong between anger, anxiety, sadness, fatigue, burnout, helplessness, and feeling 'done'. These heavy emotions lead to either being in combat or collapsing and shutting off from our joy, creativity and finding meaning in life.
An ability to regulate in times of stress, uncertainty, and mounting pressure.
When we feel that build of tension in our stomach or chest (in our body)
or quick to anger or feel fatigued, overwhelmed, anxious
Feeling a sense of helplessness, feeling faint, or collapse
We become dysregulated when we cannot think straight to devise a creative solution. And all problems need a creative solution.
Babies cannot regulate themselves, so they cry and rely on their parents, who should calmly and lovingly hold them. Somatic experts call this co-regulation. However, If the parent is 'dysregulated' in fear, combat, or collapse, the child will mirror this. We are mirrors and messengers, and the same is true for leaders and team members, which often leads to dysfunctional, dysregulated teams.
How I can help further:
I've recognised the need for tools and self-mastery in parenting, leadership, team building and building trusting relationships. That's why I'm hosting a two-hour experiential class called Zen Zone. It will explore different nervous system types, the Vagus nerve's role, the emotional resilience nerve and the key to connecting with ourselves and others. I will provide tools (not just information) for inner calm, resilience, and openness to Flow. Flow is our most optimal state of being and consciousness, which top performers, athletes, meditators and creative geniuses all talk about to unlock their gifts.
Once we master this, we can open to our most unlimited, connected, whole, creative and intuitive self - as these things come from a regulated nervous system.
Online Event: Start the journey to self-mastery to unlock your zen & wisdom.
Date: Thursday 7th March
Time: 7-9 pm UK; 2-4 pm ET
Investment: Early Bird Cost: £45 (until Feb 18th) | Normal Cost: £59
Additionally, I'm launching a similar program for companies to help reset Dysfunctional Teams. This is a fresh, scientific, but human-centred approach to building trusting, collaborative, and creative teams - If you're a leader, reach out for how I can help you and your teams grow and not burn out.
Finally, on reflection:
What in you needs to change to call in the life you deserve to lead and create the joy, life and legacy you are here to create?
Download my free Honesty Journal to help you challenge yourselves and become who you’re meant to be, not conditioned to be!
Take care, dear friends, and take time to create your joy, life, and legacy. Make your 16-year-old self proud! I hope to see you soon!