Stalled, Distracted, Depleted? Sometimes we need to remember what we loved - and start from there!
A South African Remembering For Self Reclamation.
Home for week - Noordhoek Beach near Cape Town, South Africa - A Yoga & Hikes Retreat
I hope you're well and finding joy as the year unfolds, but I'm wondering if you've been met by Chaos, too?
Lately (ok, since October), I'd been feeling frustrated/depleted. Not exhausted exactly — just disconnected. The kind where the things that usually bring me alive — writing, sport, teaching — felt oddly out of reach. They used to flow easily and bring me to life more than my day-to-day AI Tech muggle work, as they also felt like part of my service.
But instead, I found myself distracted by irritations seeping into everything. Big ones, small ones — the slightly wrong situation and people you keep tolerating because it's easier than listening to what it's telling you. But, I don't ignore that anymore - like I used to, because when I do, Chaos steps in.
And Chaos doesn't whisper — it rearranges.
I've learnt irritations usually mean something honest is sitting just below the surface — something uncomfortable, or simply the truth that a chapter is ending, or something needs to change. I don't always understand it, but I've come to respect Chaos's intelligence. It makes space for the new, even when I wouldn't choose the method.
My usual response is compassionate curiosity. But this time, curiosity didn't feel exciting. It felt like a quiet voice saying,
“Trust me… just sit in the not-knowing.”
Back in October 2025, almost on instinct, I booked a yoga and hiking retreat in Noordhoek Beach near Cape Town, South Africa. It wasn't practical — I was leaving family, responsibilities, routine — but the message was clear: Just go. So I listened!
And it gave me back things I hadn't realised I'd lost.
Adventure:
My love of mountains and a sky with no ceiling.
Movement and stillness.
Running on a beach.
Being with new people and also going inward to reflect.
I didn't need rest — I needed the reclamation and rejuvenation of the things I loved before becoming a mum and taking on responsibilities society thinks I should. But first, I needed to overcome a few things:
I'd carried old stories about South Africa, but what I met was warmth, openness and a landscape that makes you feel very small in the best way.
Standing at the Cape of Good Hope looking toward Antarctica, you realise how tiny your worries are compared to the world — and yet how meaningful your thread in it can be. Especially our genius and gifts that we all have to offer in this life, to add to the collective thread of dreams and creation, if we could just find the courage.
Ironically, I was nicknamed “spider woman” on this trip after looking up as I was drifting off to sleep and seeing a very large spider (15cm in diameter - see above and see where home was for a short time) hanging above my bed, looking down - Slightly alarming at the time — yes, I did ask calmly for help (no- I didn't scream) as I didn't know if it was a jumper or venomous!
It reminded me of the old myth of the Navajo Spider Woman weaving the web of dreams from the collective web of dreams - for all. Maybe we're all doing that, whether consciously or not.
Navajo Spider Woman
Image from Goddess Power Oracle Deck, Collette Baron-Reid
And I realised the distractions before I left weren't really distractions at all.
The distractions were my fears of adding to that web.
Was I ready to teach yoga?
To step forward at work?
To actually finish the book?
What was deeper than the fear: Were I and my creations worthy?
Question: Have you ever felt that? What was deeper for you?
As I sat in the stillness of nature, especially after the trek up the mountains, meditating on boulders, I felt ready. But then a friend said something simple in a message:
“You have always been ready…now you are ready for the right direction because you FEEL ready!” (thanks, Elaine! )
This matters because we are 'Feeling creatures who think, not thinking creatures who feel' as Neuroscientist Jill Bolte-Taylor says.
> Maybe sit with that for a moment. It's a big difference from how society tells us to act, believe and live.
So this is my invitation to you:
You don't need an 11-hour flight to get perspective or find joy. Just return to something you once loved and begin there. Joy has a way of resetting the nervous system faster than forcing clarity ever does. (I could tell you a neuroscience reason for this, but for once, I'll resist!)
Sometimes the clouds part on the mountain, sometimes they don't (like Table Mountain in my pictures)— but you still take the first step and let yourself FEEL from that simple, joyful and optimistic place - where AWE lives!
So, what is it for you?
Rollerblading and feeling the freedom?
Rolling sideways down a hill or sand dunes and being lost in the sillyness - (which I also did by the way, lol)
Dancing at a concert and being moved by the energy of the music and your body?
Dipping naked in a cold spring and becoming one with the water?
Go do it, because, as screenwriter Tom Stoppard put it: "Life's bounty is in the flow. Later is too late.”
Start small. Follow your childhood curiosity and joys, and let life unfold from there - sometimes we go back, to go forward - bravely! Let those things ignite the fire we need for this Lunar year of the Fire Horse!! I just know it's a big year for all of us - all our genius is needed for this one:
Not for one, but for the collective web of dreams!
Be in the being, and then step forward. Let your intentions and actions fire up for the new you!
Ready!
