Why Mums Don’t Always Know, But Chaos Might. Reflections on Self Mastery
“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” — Carl Jung
It’s been quite the week: In the UK, it’s Mother’s Day this Sunday, just one week after International Women’s Day. You might expect me to write about strong women, nurturing, or the delicate balance that mothers try to maintain.
Instead, I find myself writing about Chaos as I think about self-mastery, being a good mum, and showing up as a courageous, curious woman.
Perhaps that sounds strange. But over time, I’ve come to see Chaos not as an enemy, but as an unexpected messenger — especially when it shows up inside the body.
You might recognise the signs.
The butterflies in the stomach.
The tightening in the shoulders.
A dull headache or a knot in the belly that slowly sharpens.
That rush of adrenaline that can tip into anxiety, dizziness — or, for me sometimes, a faint collapse response that leaves me drained.
The Intelligence of Chaos.
Get’s Still - What’s below? The path to Self-mastery
Now I see them differently: Chaos rarely whispers. It speaks first through the body.
Chaos, I’ve realised, often arrives when something needs attention — internally in our beliefs, or externally in situations that don’t quite align with who we are becoming. And yet the first voice we often meet is a much younger one inside us that whispers: “It’s not safe. Don’t.”
This week, I was reminded of that voice in two unexpected ways:
The first was as a mother.
The Second at a Women on Tech Conference celebrating International Women’s Week
[Below, my daughter as a baby & inspirational Professor Sue Black, OBE - who, amongst her many accolades, helped save Bletchley Park and told the world about the army of women who worked there and helped win World War II].
My daughter has been struggling with anxiety recently, and like many mums, I feel that instinctive pull to help, guide, protect and fix things. I want to give her the tools I’ve learned. I want to make it easier for her.
But if I’m honest with myself, did I listen to my own mum at that age?
Absolutely not!
Sometimes our children don’t need answers. Sometimes they need space to unfold. (I’ll come back to this).
The second moment arrived at an International Women in Tech conference I attended this week.
It was an inspiring event with brilliant speakers, including Professor Sue Black OBE. Naturally, I did what comes instinctively to me — I leaned in and asked questions.
Curiosity has always been my way of learning. But as I stood up in that room full of strangers, something stirred inside my body. An old pattern I know well.
Suddenly my physiology spiked — that familiar rush of adrenaline, the dizziness, the sense that I might faint.
"Was I allowed - Don't it's not safe"
It surprised me. After all, I’ve presented to rooms of more than 700 people. I teach regularly. And yet in that moment, a part of me simply didn’t feel safe. I felt sick!
That’s when Chaos appeared again — like an old friend rearranging the furniture of my internal world.
“Alright,” it seemed to say. “Use your tools.”
So I did.
I stepped away, shook out the nervous energy, tapped (a technique like psychological acupunture for trauma healing), grounded my breath and slowly brought my system back to calm.
I needed that before any mindset hack »
I needed to move my breath, then my body, and then, and only the, does the mind follow (I say this alot in Yoga).
Why?
Because the brain and body are bi-directional and connected, but 80% of the signals go from the body to the brain, not the other way round. What this means is that we need to regulate our nervous system first to enable the brain to act in a sustainable, creative and productive way.
This is also linked to something bigger:
Your consciousness is always creating.
What you create depends greatly on how safe you feel — and what you believe you’re allowed to do.
Curiosity — especially compassionate curiosity — is often the first step forward, but this circuit goes offline if you don’t feel safe. To use the words of a neuroscientist (the geek in me), your brain goes into high-beta and gets stuck there, like being stuck in 2nd gear!
So I took my own advice.
I returned to the room and kept asking questions from a place of genuine interest. The result? Beautiful conversations, new connections, and even an invitation to a video interview afterwards.
The younger version of me might have become a wallflower, become anxious and quietly wondered, “Why not me?” when opportunities were given to others, or I would have failed to connect to new people.
For a moment, I recognised that old pattern in my body — the one that said:
Stay quiet, stay small, don’t risk being seen.
You're not good enough.
But today I hold that younger Nila with kindness. She’s still part of me - and she always will be.
And perhaps internal Chaos arrives not to punish us — but to help us grow beyond the stories we once believed.
As for my daughter, perhaps the greatest gift I can offer isn’t fixing her anxiety or giving perfect advice (or any advice). Perhaps it’s simply holding space and being an example.
Staying curious about what she is experiencing. Holding space for her unfolding.
She isn’t broken (in fact, none of us are)
She is becoming (we all are)
She just needs encouragement to keep rising (we’ve all got this)
So I’ll leave you with a question this week:
How is chaos showing up inside your body right now?
Start there.
With the signals you usually try to ignore, especially if it’s uncomfortable.
Because chaos is rarely random. More often, it is life asking us to pay attention.
And when we learn to listen — not with fear, but with curiosity —
Chaos stops being the enemy. It becomes the doorway to who we are becoming.
Five simple practices I often return to master my physiology (and Chaos):
Shake It Out
Animals instinctively shake after stress. Stand up and gently shake out your arms, legs and shoulders for 30–60 seconds to discharge excess adrenaline.Slow the Exhale
Take a slow breath in through the nose and let the exhale be slightly longer than the inhale. A longer exhale signals safety to the nervous system.Ground Through Your Feet
Place both feet firmly on the floor and focus on the sensation of contact with the ground. This simple act can help stabilise a spiralling mind.Soften Your Gaze
Instead of focusing intently, soften your gaze and broaden your field of vision. This tells the brain that the environment is safe.Draw A Figure 8 Around Your Eyes
Draw a figure 8 around your eyes until you yawn. You activate the vagus nerve, a big part of our emotional resilience, and it may trigger a yawn. A yawn is the fastest way to ease the nervous system accorind to neuroscience.
Added extra: A slow stretch, a walk, or a few mindful yoga movements can help release tension stored in the body.
Small actions like these can shift the body from a stress response back toward calm and clarity.
These are some of the practices we explore in Awakening Flow Yoga, where we learn to listen to the body's signals and gently guide the nervous system back toward balance. Because when the body feels safe again, something beautiful happens:
Curiosity returns
Creativity opens, and
Life begins to flow again.
Reach out if I can help, and happy Mother’s Day, or as I like to think about it, being the loving mum to your inner child, who needs you too!
With Moonbeams
Nila
Kind words:
“I don’t know how she does it, but Nila is able to easily bring calmness and energy to yoga. With considered encouragement, we were taken through a flow of positions before (and I think this is Nila’s super power) finishing with relaxation filled with inspiration from some of her vast knowledge of combining science and spirit.” - GR (Come Home To Calm Yoga)
The 1–2–1 format was especially helpful as I could receive immediate feedback. I felt safe, supported, and able to work at my own pace. The sessions were calming, reduced my stress, and helped me focus on the physical experience and my breathing. Nila is very intuitive and picked up on my mood/energy, in one session I had been struggling with some stress from work and Nila helped to address this, which felt like a holistic way to work together.
-Selina