🌙 Yoga: Zen or Shadow? How good are you with feedback? Learn how to elevate yourself for Success (…on the mat, or in the office)
It's been a month, hasn't it? I hope you're holding steady. But on a brighter note—did you have a win this month? I'm sure you did! Big or small, I'd love to hear it.
Mine? One I thought might forever stay a pipe dream. I'm officially a Yoga Teacher! It feels surreal because, honestly, there were many points I thought I'd give up. When I told a friend, he said, "Oh, you must be really Zen now!”
I smiled, because… nope. My journey wasn't all Zen. It was shadow. Fierce, sweaty, sometimes-ugly shadow.
Over the last year in my 200+ hours of yoga teacher training, including philosophy, anatomy, sequencing, pranayama, fascia, 130+ asanas…—what I really met wasn't just yoga.
It was my ego. My inner critic. My shadow. And wow, did she scream, and I wasn't the only one. But I had an advantage.
Meeting the Shadow, Again!
The truth is, I'd had practice. Over the past eight years, I've thrown myself into training after training in new material: a Master's in Psychology at 42, intuitive intelligence for three years, somatics, pranayama, and now even AI.
Feedback has followed me everywhere. Sometimes kind. Sometimes brutal:
“You talk too fast. Too much”
“You don't finish sentences.”
“Why don't you know what RAG is?”
Some of it cut me open. Some of it grew me. At first, I defended, excused. Shut down.
What shifted everything was learning to stop running, or quitting early—and start listening not just with my head, but with my whole nervous system.
The Second Score - A Psychological Tool For Feedback
In Thanks for the Feedback, Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone describe the Second Score:
Score One → the feedback itself (this is fixed).
Score Two → how you respond; your attitude to receiving the feedback (where growth happens).
But here's the catch, and limits of using psychology alone: you can't get to Score Two if your nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze. Why?
Make it stand out
The Circuit Breaker To Learning
It’s not our fault, it’s neurophysiology - but we can do something about it. Listen up if you,
Are you a boss or a teacher giving feedback?
Person trying to upskill?
Having issues with a relationship?
Step 3: The Circuit Breaker
Growth isn't just mental—it's physical/physiological. Our nervous system sends 80% of its signals up to the brain. If it senses danger (even echoes of old pain), it hijacks us into survival mode.
That's why feedback so often feels like an attack, and our bodies are geared to survival. The body (which keeps the score) always asks:
Am I safe?
Am I supported?
Only then: What can I learn?
Think back to your last feedback—did you pause and reflect, or bat it away like a tennis ball with excuses or hurt feelings? And where did it land in your body?
I teach a class on identifying your nervous system type to help with just this, as it mirrors our whole life and behaviours, and stops us from functioning optimally, impacting relationships and learning.
I've learned to prepare my nervous system before performance or feedback—breathwork, tapping, movement, all of which are vagus-nerve resets, targeting the emotional resilience nerve. The tools are right for my system, but your tools will be different.
Sometimes I still cry, but that is a release too. But I don't shut down. I stay in my calm—the eye of the storm. That's when I can listen, integrate, and respond.
An Application: The Flow Dance of Shiva-Shakti
In my final assessment, I chose the theme of Shiva & Shakti with corresponding asanas (postures).
Shiva is the observer—steady, calm, centred in the storm. Get's perspective.
Shakti is the transformer—wild, creative, the effort, the fire that makes things new.
One without the other is incomplete. Together, they weave flow—like the infinity symbol dancing together (yes, I have it tattooed on my shoulder, see below).
The Dance ♾️: “The Observer, Observing, Being Observed”
Shiva helps me listen, discern and stay calmly centred. Shakti is the effort in the storm, playful and curious. Together, they let me flow, grow and transform.
This is the Union as we Flow - Yoga means Union.
We become complete as we alchemise the two parts.
This is also the awakening as we dance and flow between “the observer, observing, [Shiva] being observed [Shakti]” (Deepak Chopra). Awakening and becoming conscious of Self (Big s) is the transformation.
I share this perspective with you now, as the world feels chaotic, hoping it helps you stay anchored.
Integration
This past 12 months, I didn't just learn yoga. I learned how to meet myself more fully, especially in the face of feedback and chaos. This is essential for our growth, but must be done with discernment.
I discovered my yoga superpower—arm balances and a strong strength class. Balanced with my devotion and service to trauma-informed somatic yoga practice. Both are represented in my love of Shiva/Shakti flows. And both allow us to embody our body, mind, energy and soul: Conscious embodiment = Awakening Flow.
And my deeper superpower: meeting my shadow, and not running away. And that is what I offer to you, too. I am not afraid for you, because when we meet and transmute our shadow, we gain sovereignty, freedom, and liberation. It's worth it, right?
💌 My invitation:
Where in your life could you soften your nervous system to truly take in the “second score”?
Where do you need to meet your shadow so you can step closer to success and a higher self/purpose?
Stay tuned: I'll be sharing a little taster session soon of stress release yoga. And yes—new yoga adventures are coming in 2026:
Strong Flow
Somatic Stress Release Yoga, for Soul Awakening Embodiment
For now, enjoy October, whether it's autumn or spring, here's a little monthly reflection.
Theme of the Month
“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world” - Marianne Williamson
Stay Compassionately Curious
With Moobmeans
Nila
P.S. Deep gratitude to my funny and wise teacher, @sam.mills_yoga, whom I first met back in 2009. She embodies the new sciences of yoga with such wisdom and integrity—and breaks down yoga postures' myths that harm more than heal. I'm so grateful you kept nudging me to do this! I hope to make you proud!
+ Jackie, my friend who came to my assessment & always believes in me when I struggle to! So Grateful - you're a
Kind words on my 1:1 Yoga Sessions:
The 1–2–1 format was especially helpful as I could receive immediate feedback. I felt safe, supported, and able to work at my own pace. The sessions were calming, reduced my stress, and helped me focus on the physical experience and my breathing. Nila is very intuitive and picked up on my mood/energy. In one session, I had been struggling with some stress from work, and Nila helped to address this, which felt like a holistic way to work together. - Selina
The sessions pushed me physically, but not to the point of discomfort. Over the 3 sessions, there were some positions repeated, which I felt was helpful as I was able to push myself a little more, knowing more about what to expect and how to do the position correctly. The sessions were tailored to take into account any pain/injuries. Nila also recommended what I could do between sessions to help improve some stiffness. - S. Gibson
Nila guided me through each session with patience and care, regularly checking in to see if I was comfortable or needed any support. As a complete beginner, I felt very much at ease thanks to her approach, which allowed me to embrace the experience without feeling out of my depth. She also listened to any concerns I had about poses that might be beyond my capability and adjusted the routine accordingly.- Alex